I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Life is so much better after having sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
