I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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