that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
