I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
