He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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