i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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