And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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