you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
