Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
