I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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