Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
