I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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