not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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