if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
