I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
