sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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