I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
