I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
