sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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