rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
