I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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