I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
