my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
