My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
