I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
