that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
