How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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