Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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