I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
