I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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