you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
