You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
