My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
