WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
