He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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