Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
