She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
