she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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