I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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