Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
