the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How naked do you want me to be?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
