I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
