My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
