That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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