she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
