First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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