umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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