with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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