Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Damn victory sex feels great
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