Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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