I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
