She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
